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User talk:KallebRulez
Hey Kal. I must say I could give little fuck as to what you write on ask.fm about me, since I know the truth about myself, but due to several reasons I shall exemplify immediately I've decided to write a response to it after all. Firstly, I'm sick of you trash talking me on your Wiki's chat, when clearly neither of you has made an effort to understand my standpoint on what happened. Secondly, I need to prove that I'm well capable of talking out things I don't agree on with people, which I think is better done by showing than by saying. Then I will also admit that I'm more engaged in your asks than I really want to be at this point, and I will need to get a few things out in order to find inner peace. And lastly, I value this relationship between me and you, as you call it, more than you propoably think I do, so I'm at least going to give it an effort to talk things out. And yes, I've choosen to do it on a near inactive Wiki of mine. That's because I think it will be inevitable to talk about some other people, and while that might seem like I'm bashing them behind their back, I believe it's better this way than to do it on another Wiki where many nosy eyes would be able to see this. But I think I'm rambling too much, so let me get started. Firstly, you're talking about me as if I cut off friends here and there, when T. is the only one I distanced myself from in a very long time. It wasn't an easy descision either, since, although I might be bad at staying in touch with friends I don't see regularly, it takes a lot for me to purposely distance myself from people I'm close with. This current feud isn't the first thing that has happened this year. Since the start of this year, it has constantly happened, that he "suddenly" left chat when I came, or completely ignored me, or blocked me off when I said things. I usually didn't even know what was happening, and only upon investigating did I learn that it was because of things I'd never had thought people could be mad about. It were usually things like me asking him to not call me a certain way, or because certain things I said to others on chat made him uncomfortable. At first I tried the best to make up for it, because I blamed myself for it. But after it kept happening, I got more and more tired of him trying to make me feel guilty because of vanities. See, I have this personality disorder (ego-weakness, look it up), I really lack the strength to tolerate frustration, disappointment, and stress, and things like this upset me completely out of proprtion. In the past, I used to reach for knifes to help myself deal with it, and although I haven't cut myself in almost 9 months, I still get the vibe regularly. I ended up telling T. that him trying to make me feel bad over petty things was exhausting me, and he promised to stop. Yet, not even two weeks later, he then made that facebook status spreading lies about me, and I guess a breaking point was just reached for me then. I tried approaching him, but he wouldn't show any insight. The reason I can't look past it is because he still tried to make me feel pathetic, although he had only promised me to stop not very long ago. Kalleb, I've been working hard with a therapist to stop me from cutting, I just don't feel comfortable around someone who keeps wanting to make me feel miserable enough to give me the urge of cutting back. I read on ask.fm that you wouldn't tolerat someone trying to make you feel like shit because of petty things, so I really think you should understand me when I say that I can't do it anymore. I need the little strength I have to deal with school, work, and my family, who challenge me. But continuisely being reproached by someone saying he's my friend is not something I think I should live with. Secondly, you say I don't admit fault to people. I apologized to T. for not being understanding for him leaving, and admit it was wrong. But Joe is the best thing that has happened to me ever, and I won't admit wrong for dating him. What I'm saying is, I admit fault when I have commited it, but I refuse to do it when I've done nothing I'd have to feel guilty about. With the rest of the people, I don't even know who they are, or what I did to make them be fed up with me. I'm not trying to act innocent, but I really don't know what their deal is. If someone has a problem with me, believe me, I'm prepared to talk it out with them. But what I don't care for is people sending it to me as anon hate on ask.fm, or doing it over someone else, like in this case. So I never tried to play innocent, but when people don't tell me what I said to piss them off, I really don't know to whom and for what I should make up for. Thirdly, I never attempted to suck up to people because I wanted them on my side. Believe it or not, while it has been discussed a lot on the twerk team Wiki, I have never told anyone about what happened, so what would I need people on my side for? Complemting is my way of showing them that we're friends, and I do it because a lot of them have little confidence, when they really are awesome people, who should really feel better about themselves. You may not like it, but it's the way I work, and I'm not gonna have myself put down for that. Also, if someone told you I don't believe I have anyone to support me, he got that wrong. It's just that everyone seems to believe that I'm the only one acting like a brute, when I've get a lot, also. Look at my ask.fm. I've gotten boat loads of hate ever since the famous incident, and nobody gets my standpoint. Believe me, it's nerve-wracking. Lasty, I really want to apologize if you feel as if the drama is taking over ever since your return. I really didn't mean to. I just feel as if I can't help it when people don't come and talk to me instead of going to you. I'm not saying that I can't be on chat the same time as him, either, it's him who seems to have a problem with it. I never wanted to spoil the fun for you or any other User on the Wiki, either, but I find it unfair, that so many Users here are trying to force me and T. to be friends again, when I'm just not ready for it. How can that be the only thing the fun relies on? In closure I'd like to say that you propoably will think this sounded like another loads of excuses from me, but I will swear to god, it really isn't. I was being sincere here, because I feel all you ever get to hear is one side of the story. I'm not asking you to be against him and pro me either. I'm mainly just tired of people going up against me with you, and it's stressing me out.